By Lindsey Borchard
As soon as I told everyone we were expecting, my identity as Lindsey Borchard went out the window and Lindsey “The pregnant” woman became who I was. Then I had James and I became Lindsey the “mom”. He’s six months now and I am just now starting to get my identity back one baby step at a time (No pun intended).
It’s so easy to lose yourself during this whole process. You are after all using every ounce of your being taking care of this little creature. And everything you had before said “creature” is now different. Your lifestyle, your relationship with your partner, your body, sometimes the relationship with your friends, are all different, some for the better and some for the worse. For me the relationship with myself has taken the biggest hit.
Right after you give birth you don’t care how you look, your goal is getting the job done, and by job I mean getting the baby to eat and sleep, especially the sleep part. Your hair, your nails, your clothes, it all comes last. I remember one night I was lying in bed with milk stained on my shirt, hair hadn’t been washed in days, & I couldn’t tell you the last time I had brushed my teeth. My husband looked at me and said, “Who are you”? I looked at him with no emotion on my face and I couldn’t even answer him because I didn’t even know myself.
It’s a hard job being a mom, we are consumed with so much in the beginning and we only think (and pray) that it will get easier. And sometimes it does. Some days I see the old me creeping back in (those are the days I had time to put makeup on and do my hair) and other days it’s hard to even remember the person I was before James.
It’s been a struggle to feel sexy again, and to love my body again. It’s funny because having James was the BEST thing that has ever happened to me and yet it’s also been the thing to put me in the biggest rut of my life.
I recently moved and as I was packing up my closet I got so sad seeing all the cute clothes and all the lingerie I would wear. For a second I remembered what it felt like to be “put together”. Then I saw my mile high pile of yoga pants and quickly was brought back to reality. Over the next few days it really got me thinking how I MUST make time for myself and that I need to make steps to get back to the “old” me.
That night after I put James to bed, I took a shower and put on my favorite pink lace Hanky Panky baby doll dress. I used to wear this on the nights I wanted to impress my husband. It worked every time. But this night I decided to sleep in it, not to impress my husband but to impress me. It made me feel pretty made me feel confident and made me feel powerful. I woke up feeling like a million bucks. Funny how a little lingerie can do that for you.
