Montelle, Rya & Fleur’t Lingerie Lift a Domestic Survivor’s Self Esteem

By ELLEN LEWIS

In our second installment of Survivor Stories, we begin our deeper dive into the real lives of domestic abuse victims. These are men and women who have emerged victors having escaped their perpetrators and found peace and purpose. They have chosen to shed light on their heinous experiences in order to raise awareness of this pervasive cycle that is more prevalent in our society than many are aware. The stigma and social shame around speaking out is overwhelming. Supported by Purple Boudoir, they have expressed how wearing and being photographed in lingerie elevates their feeling of self-worth and confidence. This month Heidi Morrison shares her story in tandem with the Montelle Intimates group:Montelle, Rya Collection and Fleur’t. (at top Montelle Bra, Fleur’t PJ)

Heidi is a 45-year-old woman raised on the West Coast and now living in Illinois. She carries the legacy of generational abuse, a common thread that runs through most of these stories. Learning the stories of abuse from her grandmother and her mother, she is committed to ending it.

Heidi has very little memory of her childhood, it comes in flashes, which is a common trauma response. As  a year old, her father groomed her and brought men to the house who paid him to touch her. Growing up, her father’s threatening behavior was her daily normal. He was an aggressive, alcoholic, drug-addicted gambler whose actions taught Heidi and her siblings not to mess with him. She hasn’t talked to her father in 30 years. He spent 6 years in jail after trying to murder her mom because she asked for a divorce. She had attempted to leave before but feared for her safety. About 4,000 women die each year due to domestic violence.

Heidi was not only a victim of parental abuse but also marital abuse. She met her husband at 21 and was married for over 20 years. He did not hit her. Because her perception was that the kind of abuse she suffered in marriage was less than what her childhood wrought, she never recognized that she was a domestic violence victim. Raised in her parent’s dysfunctional household, she did not realize she was being traumatized by her own marriage. She told me, “You don’t know what you don’t know”.

Heidi grew up in a very church fueled environment. There was a lot of social pressure. One marries and is expected to please their husband. She uses the term “gray rape”. You don’t say no. You also “don’t tell”. She would dress in her closet to avoid her husband’s gaze.

In her own household, there was a lot of yelling, intimidation, machismo behavior, and narcissism. It was much more mental and emotional abuse. One statement could flip a switch. Everything was always her fault. Walking on eggshells and afraid to fall asleep, fear is all that’s constant and sleep deprivation ensues. He had complete emotional control, and her health began to deteriorate. Once a successful wealth management employee, she had to go on disability. She was financially dependent. Acutely unhappy and with a strong desire to save her own children from this life, she knew she had to get out.

Heidi was determined to break the chain for the sake of her two daughters. She listened to Nat LaJune on the subject of Marital Coercion and began EMDR therapy in response to her PTSD. She knew leaving would isolate her, but she began to secret away money and made a plan to escape. Now 3 years later, in collaboration with Jacob Miller, they have created the Purple Strong initiative supporting the WINGS Program, the premiere organization in Illinois working to break the cycle of Domestic Abuse. Heidi is placing herself front and center to bring awareness, incite change and help others. In addition to public speaking and private coaching, she opened Heidi’s Leather & Lace, a lingerie boutique offering intimate apparel and sexual wellness products to both men and women seeking empowerment.

Thank you Montelle, Rya & Fleur’t for supporting us in this endeavor to create awareness of this critical social cause. Heidi enjoyed wearing this gorgeous lingerie. It made her feel very special.

See More Survivor Stories in the Column Featured on Lingerie Briefs