Tracey’s Survivor Story: From Wounds to Wisdom
By ELLEN LEWIS
This month, with the support of Natori Lingerie, and photographer Liz Hansen, we are telling a different type of Survivor Story.
Meet Tracey Mayer, a 65-year-old entrepreneurial woman who perceives her life journey as a series of chapters. Domestic abuse was one of those chapters. She did not grow up exposed to an abusive environment. Hers was a typical happy middle-class environment. She was encouraged by a loving family, is highly educated and has worked hard to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle.
Her decision to share her narrative stems from a relationship in which she was involved later in life, from which she has emerged stronger, more confident and determined to prove that no demographic is immune from domestic abuse. She is a powerful voice for women who do not come from poor neighborhoods, who appear to have everything, money, a successful partner, access to luxury and socially active lives. These women are trapped by their abusers, often very successful, intelligent and powerful men, fathers, philanthropists, rich, and charming. But they are leading two separate lives: pillars of their communities and private abusers. These women are ensconced in a tight knit circle in which everyone knows each other from the gym, parties, charity events etc. They remain silent because society has labeled abuse as a “dirty word” and therefore carries shame and stigma. Because of the misconception that abuse only happens to poor uneducated women and men, most people don’t think those who live a more affluent lifestyle need help. The truth is in 99% of abuse cases there is financial abuse, so what may seem like an easy escape is anything but that.
Tracey met her nemesis after the end of 30-year marriage during which she successfully raised her family and guided a profitable jewelry business. There was no abuse. Following a 2-year commuter relationship with her subsequent boyfriend, she took a leap and left her Midwest base to move in permanently with him on the East coast.
Not until she was thoroughly embedded in his space did the control, manipulation, threats and psychological attacks begin, all behind closed doors. It was pathological behavior that had to be well planned and executed because he couldn’t get caught. He held her hand as they strolled through the neighborhood, kept the house filled with fresh flowers because she loved them, and insisted she fly first-class while traveling home to visit her family. This wonderful family man, friend, successful businessman and philanthropist was the same man abusing her behind closed doors. He pressed her to let him invest in her business as another means of domination. He tried to control the money, but she would not let him. He broke her self-confidence because as things deteriorated, she began to question if she was losing her mind as a result of the gaslighting. But she never accepted this behavior. She pushed back which is why it continued to get worse.
Tracey remembers the day she looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the woman staring back at her. That scared her to death and was the defining moment she decided to plan her escape. She took only her clothing and sentimental items and made the long drive home to reboot her life
Today, Tracey is a development consultant in the non-profit space, including a current contract with WINGS, the largest domestic violence intervention organization in Illinois where she focuses on spreading awareness, education and raising revenue. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will be impaired by domestic violence in their lifetime, so whether you realize it or not, someone very close to you has, is, or will be affected.
I think Tracey’s words clarify her message brilliantly:
“I want to inspire women to regain/hold their power and remind them that they have all the tools they need. Grief doesn’t break us, it heals us and can be a gift if we choose to see it that way because it strengthens us and when you sit in the fire and ashes for a while, you resurface with more clarity, wisdom, and a heart primed for peace. Feeling grief means you’ve lived courageously. We talk so often about confidence – oh she/he is so confident or not. I believe confidence is born from courage. It’s about being brave enough to step into the messy scary space not knowing what the outcome will be. And when you do it and rise above, that’s when the magic happens.”
“I believe our core confidence is unaffected by life’s events. We get knocked off track, and I wasn’t just knocked off track- I was brought to my knees, but I found my way back because I have always been and will always be the same person I was the day I took my first breath – kind, generous, loving, creative, intelligent. Nothing or no one can change that. I have always been in control of my power- I just needed to be reminded.”
Photography donated by Liz Hanson of Chicago Boudoir Photography
Website: chicago-boudoir.com
Instagram: Chicago Boudoir Photography
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